hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
