His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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