cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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