Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hoe opinion
go on
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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