I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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