i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
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