Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
