I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
