Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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