and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
