I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
