I cockslap morals
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
