Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
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I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
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In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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