I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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