I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
