you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
