She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
