if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i've created a new STD.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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