the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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