u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
