I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
