hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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