I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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