Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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