remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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