who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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