the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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