can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
