i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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