Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Oh god it's open bar.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
