Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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