I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
