they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
