I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
