I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
