Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
