she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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