im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
