A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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