My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
