apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
