Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
