i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
