I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
