Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
