great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
