He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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