dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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