I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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