No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
