in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
