He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
