can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I understand Curling. That high.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
