I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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