so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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