she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I need to stop coming to work sober
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
