I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
