Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
