peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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