I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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