If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
