hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
how can u be prego again
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
