I wish I could teleport
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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