I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
