New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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