You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
