3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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