It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Your penis caused this!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
