i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
