i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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