That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
