mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
