we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
